One Shots
by Queen of Erebor
Summary: Just little things that my "sister" Ana and I come up with when we have a sleepover. Also posted on Wattpad under our joint account, bitterclearXpureoath.
1. Sleepover

**Sleepover**

a one-shot by bitterclearXpureoath

* * *

Cala Lai had brought her best friend and soul sister, Ana Dhie, home with her after school while Cala's parents were in Memphis, Tennessee, on a business trip. After Ana had finished her psychology homework, (at #midnight! And at the last second) and they had an awesome girl time together, baking cookies and eating ice cream and whatnot, the two girls were sound asleep in Cala's bed. Now Cala was a very hard sleeper, and once she went to sleep after one in the morning, there would be no waking her up, especially for any trivial matters. Ana, on the other hand, was a relatively light sleeper, who would wake up at an un-earthly hour in the morning and then fall back to sleep and wake up at two o'clock in the afternoon. This, dear reader, is how our little drama begins.

Ana woke hazily from her sleep and found herself looking at the back of Cala's head. She stretched her arms above her head and said, "The sky's awake, so I'm awake, so we have to write Hobbit one-shots!"

She looked at Cala's bedroom window to try to figure out what time of day it was (forgetting that Cala had a glow-in-the-dark digital clock in her bedroom) and suddenly realized that the still-dark window was being blocked from her view by a… man- an unusually short man. Thing was, Ana recognized this man even in nearly complete darkness.

Ana sat up in bed and leaned over Cala, shaking her slightly and whispering in her ear. "Cala, Thorin Oakenshield is in your bedroom!"

Cala woke up a little bit and murmured, "Hm? Oh, that's nice." She then promptly rolled over and went back to sleep, thinking that it was just a ploy on Ana's part to wake her up before she was ready to.

Ana rolled her eyes at her stubborn friend before shaking her a little harder and saying in a normal voice, "No, seriously Cala, Thorin Oakenshield is here, in your bedroom!"

Cala yawned slightly and said, "Just go back to sleep, Ana!"

Ana sighed and dropped her head, grumbling about the stubborn girl who was her best friend, completely forgetting about the Dwarf-King that was still in the bedroom, and who could still hear everything that was going on. Ana then figured that since all else had failed, she would have to go to her last resort.

Ana leaned down and said, "Hey Cala, a snake's about to crawl over your face!" Now Cala had a deadly fear and hatred of snakes, and Ana knew this. So when she tickled her fingers across Cala's face like a snake was really crawling on her face, she should have been expecting Cala's reaction.

As soon as Cala heard Ana say something about a snake and felt something on her face, she screamed her death scream, louder than the nine Nazgûl combined, and sat up in bed, flailing her arms and legs and "accidentally" slapping Ana across the face as she threw her pillow, which accidentally ended up smacking a certain Dwarf-King in the face. After realizing that there was no snake in the room, she turned on her friend, slapping the red-head's arm slightly.

"Anameleth Dhie, you are an imbecile!" the silver-blonde yelled at her best friend. "Why in the name of the Valar would you do something like that!?"

Ana shrugged. "You wouldn't wake up, so I had to take drastic measures." Cala stared at her friend, unimpressed. "Oh, by the way," Ana continued, ignoring her friend's death-glare, "You're in your tank top, and Thorin Oakenshield is in your bedroom. You might want to get some clothes on."

Thorin stared in confusion as he looked at the drama taking place before his eyes. He had no idea why he was there, or even how he had gotten there in the first place. When the red-haired girl sat up and the covers fell away from her torso, he was slightly embarrassed to see that her shirt was really tight. The red-head went about waking her friend in an unconventional manner, by acting as though there was a snake on her face, and the silver-blonde-haired girl sat up, shrieking loudly. She threw her pillow wildly, and it just happened to hit him squarely in the face. She then began the process of berating her friend, but Thorin paid little to no attention to what was being said. When she sat up, the cover had fallen away from her as it had from her friend, and he was mesmerized. If he had thought that the red-head's shirt was tight, the shirt which the girl with the silver-blonde hair was wearing was extremely revealing. It was tight, and had very small sleeves and a low-cut neckline. He could not contain himself from looking at the girl, his expression smoldering. In the light of the picture on the wall above the bed, he was able to see that her eyes were glowing icy blue. Then the red-haired girl said something to her silver-haired friend about putting on more clothes because "Thorin Oakenshield is in the room," he looked at the two girls sharply.

"You don't have to put on more clothes for me," he found himself saying, and was immediately mortified, turning a bright shade of red.

The silver-haired girl let out a shrill "EEP!" before diving back under the covers. The red-headed girl then pulled one of the blankets around herself and got out of the bed, herding him from the room.

"Why don't we let my sister get dressed so that she doesn't have a heart attack or hyperventilate under the covers?"

He complied obediently, walking outside the room, only to have Ana sneak back in the room and slam the door in his face.

* * *

It's safe to say that at this point, Cala was freaking out. First, she had been rudely awakened *cough cough* ANA *cough cough* and then her favorite character from The Hobbit (also the hottest guy she had ever seen in her life) had been in her room while she was in a skimpy tank top and booty shorts. Talk about one of the most awkward situations ever!

After Cala put on her clothes and made her bed, she was still too embarrassed to come out of her room. So Ana sauntered out of the room, still in the clothes she wore to bed, and found Thorin in the kitchen. She walked to his side and towered over him threateningly.  
"So, Thorin," the red-head said in an intimidating voice. "How did you get here, and what the HECK were you doing in my sister's room?"

The Dwarf-King turned bright red under the tall girl's intent stare (it is very hard to make a Dwarf blush in such a way), and he began to stammer, remembering his just slightly inappropriate thoughts- and words- earlier.

"Um… I… Well, you see… That's the thing…"

Ana leaned over him a little bit, opening the kitchen drawer behind him and pulled out a dull, rusty-looking knife. The Dwarf gulped almost unperceivably, and Ana grinned wickedly.

"It should be a simple explanation," Ana said, fingering the knife lovingly. "So what was it this time, did you walk through a wardrobe? Or did you come here in a phone box?"

Thorin looked at her in complete and utter confusion. He then cleared his throat, drawing himself to his fully, kingly height, and said, "My lady, I truly ask your pardon. I know not how I came to be in your bedchambers, and I had no right to stare at your sister's breasts… Um, I mean your sister, or at you, in your state of disarray. It was extremely uncouth of me, and I apologize from the depths of my heart."

Ana looked at him threateningly for a moment, and she examined his eyes to see if he was telling the truth. After a moment she shrugged, turning and getting something out of the fridge. "Ok, whatever. Now I just have to go dig Cala out of her bedroom, burning face and all." After a second of thought, Ana opened the fridge again, getting out a Coke and tossing it to the King, who barely caught it in midair. "Here's something to drink. I may be back there for a little while."

Thorin stared at the drink bottle strangely. "What is this?"

Ana rolled her eyes and took the Coke from him. She twisted the cap off (Thorin flinched at the hissing sound when it opened; it reminded him too much of Smaug) and handed it and the bottle back to him.

"It's a drink," she said slowly. "It's something that keeps you from being so thirsty and helps your food digest. Savvy?"

He looked at the drink bottle in distrust, then back at Ana. He took a tiny sip of the Coke, and his face suddenly brightened as he downed a larger gulp.

"This 'Coke,' it has good flavor!" he announced in a deep voice. "The burning aftertaste is certainly different." The way he spoke right then actually reminded her of Thor smashing his drink to the ground and demanding another.

"Yeah, I know," Ana said, turning to leave the kitchen. "Listen, I don't know how long it will take to get her to come out. She was pretty embarrassed, so it might take me a while. Please, don't mess with anything. Cala will have a fit, and then you'll wish that I had gutted you with that knife, pulled your skin off, and burned your organs."

With that she left to try to get Cala to come out of her hidey-hole, leaving a speechless, slightly horrified, slightly stomach-sick Dwarf-King in her wake.

* * *

"Cala?" Ana knocked on her sister's door. "Come on, come out already! You can't stay in there forever!"

"I can and I will, at least until he leaves!" Cala's voice said faintly from behind the door.

Ana shrugged. "If you won't come out on your own, I'll just have to drag you out."

"No you won't!" Cala said in a panicked voice.

Ana sighed and forced the door open, darted in, and dragged her sister out into the hallway, kicking and screaming. Cala kept trying to run back into her room, and finally managed to get free. Ana slammed the door shut in her sister's face, and held it shut, even though Cala subjected her to the torture of tickling.

"What is the commotion in here?" Thorin's deep voice asked from the end of the hall. Cala squeaked and dashed into her parents' room, shutting the door and locking it.

"Cala, come on, I got cookie dough!" Ana said, pulling out the object which she had earlier retrieved from the fridge.

"What is going on here?" Thorin asked again, sounding irritated.

"It's your fault she went in there," Ana grumbled. "Get in the kitchen, woman!"

Thorin's eyes blazed with sudden wrath. "What did you just say to me?" he asked between gritted teeth, seeming to grow two feet taller in his wrath, and Ana gulped loudly at the menacing figure in front of her. "I am the King of my people, girl, and you would do well to know that!"

"Yeah, I _definitely _know who you are," Ana muttered under her breath.

"What was that?" he asked threateningly.

Just then, the door to Cala's parents' bedroom was thrown open, making the wall crack from the force of the blow. Cala stood in the doorway in all her radiant glory of wrath.

"YOU," she began to shout at the Dwarf. "Just because you are the king of YOUR PEOPLE does NOT mean that you have the right to shout at MY sister! And believe me, if you so much as even LOOK at her the wrong way again, so help me I will cut you open with a dull rusty knife, peel your skin away, use your bones to tie you to a wall, and I will burn your organs while they are still attached to the inside of your body. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!"

"But, but," Ana said. "It's more fun for him to watch the organs burn. He can't do that if they're still inside his body!"

Cala nodded wistfully. "True, true."

Thorin looked at the two girls, and his face was completely terrified. He realized that these two girls were easily provoked, and could potentially be very dangerous.

With one look at the Dwarf-King, Cala and Ana burst out laughing, unable to contain their merriment over the horror on his face.

"He- he-," gasped Cala. "He actually thought that I would do that!"

Ana was laughing just as hard, but she said, "You know that I would make good on my threats to him!"

Cala eventually got to the point where she was laughing so hard that she could no longer stand, and she fell to the floor to sit against the wall, where Ana soon joined her.

All this time, Thorin was just staring at the girls in confusion. "Will someone PLEASE tell me what in the name of Mahal is going on?"

Ana looked at Cala and held up her hands. "You first, Sis; I've already done enough this morning. You get the honors."

Cala sighed and looked at her sister balefully. Turning to the Mountain King, she said, "I am Caladhiel Lai, Cala for short, and this is my house. This is my best friend, Anameleth Dhie, but she usually goes by Ana. She's staying with me while my parents are away."

Just then, Cala thought what a bad idea it probably was to tell a potentially dangerous man that her parents were not at home, but it was too late to take it back now. She and Ana would have to take their chances with the dull, rusty knives.

* * *

After discussing plausible reasons for Thorin's entrance into the modern-day world, Thorin and Cala were sitting awkwardly on the couch, where Ana forced them to sit right next to each other, and Ana was sitting in Cala's dad's chair. Thorin was staring at Cala unabashed, amazed by the beauty of this mortal human girl. Cala was looking away awkwardly, like she usually did when a guy showed interest in her, which was pretty often. Ana however was devising a devious plan.

She saw how Thorin looked at her best friend, and she knew that Cala liked Thorin a lot, even more now that she had actually met him in person. So, being the scheming sister she is, she wanted to get them together, and soon! She thought about it, and instead of the subtle approach that could have taken a few months, she got up and shoved the two together, making them accidentally kiss.

* * *

Thorin looked in surprise at Cala, who was blushing furiously and glaring daggers at her best friend. He smiled when he saw that she was just embarrassed and not rejecting him. He placed his hand on her smooth, flawless face, turning her beautiful blue eyes to look at him, the eyes which were still glowing, even though it was light all around. He lowered his gaze to her lips, and upon seeing her do the same, leaned down, pulling her to him, preparing to press a chaste yet meaningful kiss to her lips…

* * *

"Thorin! Thorin! Uncle, come on, wake up!" Thorin heard Kili calling him. He opened his eyes to find both his nephews leaning over him. He was in his bed in Erebor, and he realized with a pain in his heart that everything that he just experienced with Cala must have been a dream.

_One thing I can promise myself,_ Thorin thought to himself. _Unless I find someone who is as perfect as she is, I will never marry._

"Uncle, is everything well?" Fili asked him, his gaze concerned.

Thorin regretfully brought his thoughts back to the level of this world and sighed. "Yes, I am well."

His nephews looked at each other meaningfully. They knew something was going on, but they had no idea what. All they knew was that Thorin looked an awful lot like Kili did with his new wife, Tauriel. Thorin was in love with someone.

* * *

Cala's eyes flickered to Thorin's lips as he drew ever closer. Just as she was about to close the gap between them completely, Thorin said, "Wake up, Cala. Wake up."

The silver-blonde haired girl sat up with a start, Ana doing the same. They looked up to see themselves in bed, Cala's mom and dad leaning over them.

"Hey, y'all have slept in long enough!" Cala's mom said jokingly.

Cala's parents left her room, and Cala and Ana looked at each other.

"You will NEVER believe the dream I just had!" they chorused together. In sync, they clapped their hands over their mouths, and they stared at each other, their eyes wide in surprise.

"Thorin and the knives?" Ana asked her best friend.

Cala nodded, her blue eyes glowing. "You too?"

Ana nodded breathlessly. "Yeah."

Cala's brow furrowed in confusion. "So, was it a dream? Or was it-"

"Real?" Ana finished her best friend's sentence, as they always did. "I don't know. I guess we'll just have to wait and find out."

* * *

**PLEASE comment! We hope you enjoyed, and there will be more one shots in the future!**


	2. Waking Up

**Waking Up**

** one shot by bitterclearXpureoath**

* * *

Ana Dhie woke up in the morning, feeling strangely tired. She and Cala had another sleepover the night before, and they had stayed up until two in the morning- again. She stretched, fully expecting her arm to hit the wall again or push Cala off the twin sized bed. Instead, her hand hit a warm chest- a warm, bare, _male_ chest. She froze in terror, rolling over to face the person, only to find that this person had silver blonde hair and looked a lot like her favorite Elf prince of Mirkwood from _The Hobbit_…

"Oh, shoot, that can't be him! There ain't no way. I'm still dreaming! Well, if it is just a dream, might as well enjoy it! Not like he'd flip out or anything; it is _my_ dream."

She reached over and hesitantly rubbed his chest. His muscles quivered beneath her cold touch, for her hands were freezing cold. At that exact moment, her teeth started chattering, and her body started shaking, trying to warm itself. She wondered why she was so cold, and she looked down at herself, only to find that she wasn't wearing any clothes.

"_Oh my gosh, WHY AM I NOT WEARING ANY CLOTHES!"_ she shrieked internally.

She then burrowed under the covers, trying to cover herself, and she realized that he too was completely nude. Her movements woke him, and he turned to look at her. She blushed horribly and tried to cover her face up.

"Dude, you have such beautiful eyes," she said to him, freaking out on the inside when she figured out that it really was Legolas. _Ok, how is this even possible? Oh right, a dream. But if it's just a dream, why does it feel so real?_

"You have beautiful eyes too," he said softly. "But why do you hide the rest of your beauty from me?"

"I'm cold," Ana whimpered, drawing the covers around her more tightly.

He smiled and moved closer to her. "Here, allow me to warm you."

She became petrified, and unadulterated panic spread through her veins. _Hades, where is Cala when I need her!_

He pulled the covers away from her face and kissed her. After he finished making her breathless and weak-kneed, (_Good thing I was lying down!) _she said, "Ew, gross, I've got morning breath!"

"I don't care about that," he said, leaning down and kissing her soundly again. She kissed him back, not caring anything about respect for personal space. _Best dream ever!_

Legolas nudged Ana back awake, and she stretched, now even more tired than earlier. She groaned as she stretched, yawning slightly in the process.

"Get offa me," she said. "You're hurtin' my chest!"

She pushed at him and wiggled out from under him. He laughed at her and got up, and she just stayed there under the protection of the covers, staring at him and trying not to drool.

"Come on get up and get dressed," Legolas said, tossing some clothes at Ana, which hit her square in the face.

She groaned and said, "No, I don't wanna get up! This dream's too nice."

He turned and looked at her, confusion making his features even more adorable than usual, and said, "Come on, Ana, get up! We are already late for breakfast as it is!"

"And whose fault is that?" she said cheekily, winking at him as the tips of his ears turned pink, a sure sign of embarrassment. "It sure wasn't mine."

She got up from the bed (exposing herself in the process, but she didn't care) and didn't put on the clothes that he had given to her. Legolas stopped what he was doing, staring at her and smirking smugly. For her clothes, she put on a cat-ear headband, a t-shirt and really short gym shorts. She grabbed her Spider-man blanket and raced to the dining hall. She didn't know how she found her way there but thought, _Whatever, it's a dream. Of course I know where it is._

Thranduil was already in the dining hall, and stared at her unamused. "You are late," he said, looking at her and clearly questioning her choice of clothing. I could tell that he was thinking, _Oh no, she's wearing her Midgardian clothes. It's going to be one of _those_ days._

Legolas came in behind her, and Thranduil regarded his son with a tired expression.

"Our lateness is the fault of your son! Just saying," Ana blurted out, hiding in her Spider-man blanket.

"Can't you control her?" Thranduil asked Legolas, and the prince looked at his father like he had just said to go fight Morgoth alone without any help.

"You want _me_ to control _that_!? Not even Elrond could manage that feat. If you have any suggestions, I would be _thrilled_ to hear them," Legolas said, his voice heavy with Wise-casm.

"Well," Thranduil said, his brows furrowed in thought. "A knife _would_ work…"

"Ada!" Legolas said, his face screaming his shock and horror at the king's suggestion. "How could you!"

"Hey, I'm right here, and pancakes work too!" Ana said, throwing a pancake at the king, one that was dripping with syrup and juicy blueberries. It flew right past his ear and splatted against the wall behind him.

"And you could not even hit me with that," Thranduil said, raising a kingly eyebrow at his daughter-in-law.

"I spared your life!" Ana retorted, believing herself triumphant. Thranduil decided to just let her keep her childish illusions.

"Legolas, lonneg-nin, why did you have to marry her?" the king of the Woodland Realm asked the prince despairingly.

"Because I love her, Ada," Legolas responded patiently.

Thranduil shook his head. "For the rest of my years, I will never understand why."

"Hey!" Ana exclaimed in indignation. "I'm right here! Aren't I a person too?"

"No, you are not," Thranduil said. "If you didn't look so much like your mother, I would say that you were a Dwarf."

"This dream is _not_ cool anymore," Ana said, insulted. "I wanna wake up now."

Legolas looked at his father, and they were both confused. "Ana, I can assure you, this is not a dream. Do you not remember our married life together for the last ten years?"

The red-head stared him with wide blue eyes. "Wait, it's real! This is all really real?"

"Great, on top of being insane, she has a dual personality disorder," Thranduil grumbled, returning to his breakfast.

Ana squealed and kissed Legolas, waltzing into the kitchen to get her food.

Legolas looked at his father. "What just happened?"

Thranduil flicked his gaze to his son. "You let the sane twin go to the Dwarf-King instead of her."

Legolas smiled, thinking himself very noble for sparing Thorin these trials.

* * *

Cala Lai was exhausted to the bone. Her best friend, Ana, had come over for another sleepover, and Ana's incorrigible energy kept them until two in the morning. She groaned and burrowed her face in her pillow, moving to stretch, but instead she found herself tangled under mountains of furs.

_What the heck!_ she thought to herself. _I only sleep under three thin, warm blankets, and I _know_ my bed isn't this big! And where the heck is Ana?_

She opened her eyes and saw a very large bedroom, completely cut from stone. It looked like- like- like she was under a mountain? There were heavy oak furnishings all around the room, all of which looked very masculine, but she could see feminine touches scattered around the room- water-lillies growing in a cut crystal bowl, things filled with light. There was a sound of a door opening, and she turned her head towards it, only to squeak and dive all the way under the covers, her face flaming red. There was a deep, throaty chuckle, and a sound of heavy footsteps coming towards the bed. Cala realized with terror that she was completely without clothing, and that only a few furs were between her and the piercing eyes of _Thorin Freaking Oakenshield_, who wasn't exactly decent either, in only a pair of leather trousers. His chest was bared, and she shook slightly under the covers, her face reddening as she tried to get that image out of her mind, though part of her was fighting to keep it there.

"Why do you hide from me, my _ghivashel_?" he asked, and Cala's eyes grew wide.

_Just a dream, Cala_, she said. _Don't you dare think anything just because he called you his treasure of treasures, no not a bit!_

"You were not hiding from me earlier, _azyungel-men_," his deep, seductive voice caressing the endearment.

_Whoa, my love? What exactly is going on here? Ana is never going to believe this dream I'm having… If I decide to tell her… _She felt the bed dip as he sat down next to her, and she clutched the covers tightly around her.

"This is just a dream," she said aloud. "This is just a dream, and I'm going to wake up, right now, before I do something I will regret!"

"You would regret me, beloved?" Thorin's voice questioned softly, and she almost swallowed her tongue. He sounded so hurt at her words!

She could feel the covers being pulled back slowly, and she allowed it, though only so he could see her face.

"This is only a dream," she half-whispered, her eyes filled with her fear. "I'll wake up and find myself having a sleepover with Ana in Midgard, and we'll only be children."

He smiled slightly and brushed away strands of her silver-blonde hair from her face. "No, darling. I promise you, this is real. I am real, and our marriage is real. We have been together for ten years, and I pray that Illuvatar allows us much longer." He leaned down, hovering above her, and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. It began chastely, though as Cala felt his skin burning so close to hers, she began to lose her senses. She reached her arms out from under the covers and wound them around his neck, twining his hair around her fingers as she deepened the kiss.

Finally, they both felt the need for air, and they broke away from each other, though they still held each other close, nothing separating them except the furs and his clothing. He was smiling his beautiful smile, and Cala melted. _How on earth could I ever have believed _him_ to be a dream!? He is real, real as I am._

"Your eyes," he whispered in her ear, his breath hot. He brought up a hand to brush against the tip of her pointed ear, and she shivered as he continued speaking. "Your ice-blue eyes are so brilliant, _ghivashel_. They sparkle brighter than the largest diamond. They are more radiant than the Arkenstone itself. You are my jewel, my _sanyasith_, you and no other. Forever and always."

Cala smiled at Thorin, her hand stroking the silver strands in his ebony hair as she studied his deep blue eyes. "And you are my _azyungel_; my strong wolf that I know will always protect me."

They shared another smile as they kissed lovingly, and Thorin pulled the covers over them both, blocking out the rest of the world, just for that moment in time.

* * *

**Dictionary of troublesome Middle Earth terms:**

**Lonneg-nin:** Elvish for my son

**Ghivashel:** Dwarvish for treasure of treasures

**Azyungel-men: **Dwarvish for my love

**Illuvatar: **the creator of the entire world, keeper of the Flame Imperishable, father of the Valar

**Sanyasith: **Dwarvish for perfect wife


End file.
